Issues

Promises are meant to be broken, trust is something which only exists in fairytale.

Words are words, they do not mean anything till actions come along with them.

Can one be afraid of promises and trusting someone enough to open up to another?

There’s this barrel of emotions whirling in me that is so overwhelming to the point of suffocation. I’m going to drown in this sea of emotion. Waves of melancholy crushing down, I’m frozen, incapable of actions.

One should not be afraid of the cold. Cold is good. It blocks out feelings. I’m freezing from the inside. Never do I want to feel the warmth again. Warmth is despicable. It makes one feel hope, only sending one spiralling down into the coldness of helplessness.

You sang me Spanish lullaby

Coffee-laced intoxicating on your lips

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without your images haunting me

I’m trying not to think about you

Disoriented

Is it really worth to give up your dreams just because you’re under obligation to help?

If you choose your dreams over your obligations, does that make you a selfish person?

If you choose to fulfill your obligations and give up your dreams, will you be afraid to live to regret your decision?

I’m feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m tired. I need a break.

Hello world, I’m a human too.

Contemplating

It can be a little disconcerting at times, the way people are. I enjoy sitting in a little corner with a cuppa in my hands, just analyzing people – why do they behave in such a manner and the likes.

It’s titillating trying to discern what the other person is exactly thinking about when he or she is talking to you. Are they telling you the truth, or are they just hiding behind a veil of smiles, telling you a certain thing while malevolent thoughts are running through their mind.

Deciphering a person’s thought is a form of art. Kind of dissecting a cadaver to solve the mystery of how the victim died. Does the victim died of asphyxiation, or of apoplectic seizure? One would have to slice the body and peel off the layers to find the answer.

Pardon me for the explicit analogy. But the above mentioned analogy is perfect to describing how one decipher a person’s thought.

You may ask, why would one want to do so.

Some people may give you complicating and contradicting answers. Some may even brush you off.

For me, I’ve always prefer the simplicity because it is the simplicities of the answer that strikes closer to home.

I enjoy exposing hypocrites, laughing at them when their words backfired on them. The tables are turned, they have no choice but to either confess or walk away.

Some may perceive that the art of, I shall use the term loosely, “mind reading”, is unethical or even unorthodox. I’d say, such people who harps on this is even worse.

These are the people who claim to dislike any forms of violence. But yet they’re more oft than not, the ones who crowd around the scene of violence, waiting for the volcano to erupt so that they can spread the speculations around and boasting that they were there to witness the gruesome scene. Shortly after the hype, they would comment and try to portray themselves as some sort of saints.

I don’t believe in saints or angels. I believe that there, within us, resides a streak of cruelty that yearns to see violence and gore. The people who are sadists just have a thicker streak of cruelty in them.

Cruelty creates chaos and chaos give way to darkness.

That streak of darkness should be hailed instead of shun.

For without darkness, where would the light be?

And therein, lies the beauty of cruelty.

Shall we… Dance?

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.

They say it takes two to tango, but right now, I’m doing this dance by myself.

Overworked, underpaid

The title says it all…

=(

First week of work

One week of work and I’m ready to bolt. That is what sitting in a room whose temperature resemble the Arctic did that to you. Oh, coupled with nothing to do and being bored out of your mind because everybody in the office is having the holiday cheer syndrome. I’m like the Grinch, sitting alone at the table and just glaring at everybody else because I desperately need something to do and THEY just don’t give me what I want.

I killed my brain cells by walking into the damn office door today instead of sending my pathetic brain cells into overdrive.

I hate bf.

YOU CAN DROP DEAD ONTO THE FLOOR FOR ALL I CARE.

Part of me is missing

He’s in Taiwan.

I miss him now.

 

=(

 

My source of Happiness

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

 

Ride it

It’s all insanity and you just got to jump onto the bandwagon and ride it.

I love blades.

 

Complicated

I don’t understand why life has to be so complicated. I thought finding a permanent job is easy. I was wrong.

My resume is still as white as a drawing board. I strive to write an impressive resume but I hit the wall everytime I do that.

Various portfolio are in drafts. I tried to finish one portfolio at a time, yet my drive extinguishes everytime I look at my undone work.

Honesty, I guess I still do not really know what I want. All I know is I want to do is to make things pretty and make them move. In other words, design and animation.

I’m still stuck.

My train of thought is disjointed.

I work on various projects simultaneously, failing to complete every one of them when inspiration decide to move on to another aspect of design.

All I want now is to fly to London and barricade myself in some forgotten secondhand bookstore, inhaling the musty scent of the yellowed pages, entwining myself with the language of words, lost forever in the galaxy of stars.